I remember when my best friend, who is ten years older than I, would talk about waiting for her post-menopausal zest to arrive as she was going through menopause. She read somewhere that once you’re finally through it all, you have this amazing energy for life…or something like that. I don’t know if she’s found her zest, but I do know she thinks since everything has settled down she enjoys the calm that finally comes with not having raging hormones anymore.
I too am anxious for my post menopausal zest to arrive. In its absence, I think I’m suffering from some kind of pre-zest brain burn-out.
I’ve had the summer off thanks to my profession as a high school teacher. And now before you think I have no right to complain about anything to do with the summer off please keep in mind that I teach my ass off for ten months and get paid like crap, but I digress…
At the end of the school year when everyone was asking about summer plans, my stock answer was that I am going to spend time on my own artwork. Being an artist and teaching at an art school really saps your energy for your own work, so having a summer to focus on my own stuff was very appealing.
My summer, however, didn’t really manifest any new and great art work I must say. I spent the good part of the start of vacation watching almost every match of the World Cup, and then the next half of the summer watching 21 stages of the Tour de France. Now if you are going to watch that much sports you need to balance it out with watching a whole lot of Food Network shows. So much sports needs a high caloric intake of food shows it would seem.
But don’t get me wrong. I didn’t just lay around like a sack of potatoes the whole time. I rode my bike and ran, swam and did yoga throughout the summer. Not all in one day mind you, but I did at least one thing every day or almost every day. I also socialized, went to the movies, and painted and refurbished bits and pieces of my house.
What I didn’t do was focus on my art. It is as if I didn’t have the energy to even think creatively. I could read about it, talk about it, and even think about what it was that I’d do if I did anything, but when it came to actually doing anything, well it just wasn’t happening. And this is coming from someone whose second bedroom looks like an art supply store.
I’ve been an artist ever since I could hold a crayon. I was famous in fourth grade for my Snoopy laying on the doghouse drawings. Back then I thought of being an artist as having super powers. Even now I can’t imagine what people do in their own homes if they’re not drawing or painting or creating. Yet here I’ve been for weeks on end with absolutely no interest in picking up a pencil. I’ve tried. But I just can’t seem to get any momentum.
I’ve wondered what the heck is wrong with me? Without the hot flashes and itching I’ve almost felt like I’m all done with this menopause bs. But then it dawned on me. Do I have some sort of menopausal burnt-out brain? Some kind of menopausal crisis of creativity? Will this pass soon?
If all goes well mid September I hit the magical twelve month mark. Will I transition into my post menopausal zest from there? And will I want to draw and will I have creative brain cells again maybe…hopefully…
Let’s put it this way, I’m hoping my super powers do not disappear with my estrogen!
So please, let me know what you gals think. Have you noticed any difficulties with your motivation to do whatever it is you love to do? And is there such a thing as post menopausal zest? Please share your thoughts down in the comments section and let me know I’m not alone in my hormonal creative dysfunction!
P.S. This is my 100th post to this blog so that’s something now isn’t it! 😉